I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Everclear isn't food dammit
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
