I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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