I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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