i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
