I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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