You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're like the curious george of whores
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
