I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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