I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
