Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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