where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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