I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Michael Bay diarrhea
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
