i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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