You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
