I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
only you would photoshop your dick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
