Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
