I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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