We won't sleep together?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
