One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
