false alarm. still invincible.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
