I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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