Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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