the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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