A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
