I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
