i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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