I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
