She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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