I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
