haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
