So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
