I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
