Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
