My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
