she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
