hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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