The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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