my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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