Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
