I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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