just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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