is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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