never play flip cup with pint glasses
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
