I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
