Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it penis luge time yet?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
