Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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