Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
