he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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