is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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