i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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