You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
