Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
