I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
