pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
